I am convulsing involuntarily from the inside out, sobbing, and gasping for breath. The young man next to me finds himself in a hot seat. He extends his arm in a kind gesture, but I don't want it. I don't need it. I say: "No, thank you."
A friend wants to go out for a walk and take me a long. "For a breath of fresh air," she says. If I applied reason to this situation, I would go with her. But it isn't reason I am looking for. It is not a chance for normalcy I am after.
I want to extend this feeling of desperation, give it a chance to ooze into the clavicles of my soul, let it take residence, so that I wouldn't forget it. So that I would not forget how fortunate I am. So that I would remember what true desperation looks like.
"Small Small Thing" invades, shatters, and lingers on. Indefinitely.
It is a documentary film about Olivia Zinnah, a little girl in Liberia, who having been raped at the age of 7, suffers from debilitating injuries. She lives ill and voiceless in the Bush, the Liberian jungle, intestinal matter seeping into her vagina, and falling on her school chair. In the eyes of her community, she is befouled. Her family believe her to be the victim of witchcraft.
This goes on for two years.
Until her mother brings her to JFK Hospital in Monrovia, Liberia. After doctors find out the cause and extent of her injuries, and treatment is agreed upon, the surgery is botched.
There is brutality to this story.
There are no scenes of violence from a purely technical perspective. But once the narrative expands its parameters to encompass the larger socio-economic and cultural context of Liberia, we witness the aftermath of the violence of two consecutive civil wars, which, it could be argued, is a continued violence. "Small Small Thing" inches its way into prison holds, local bars, slums, and tombstones turned homes, to uncover the inescapable reality behind the terrible act of violence against a child. Or, as it turns out, the majority of girls in Liberia.
There is a brutal honesty to this film, which smears itself onto you, then digs deeper, unsatisfied with its fresh impact. No, it isn't going to leave you there. It is going to push you to the precipice of a Nietzschean abyss. You know, the kind which might gaze into you, if you stared at it long enough."Battle not with monsters, lest ye become a monster," my mind echoes the philosopher's words. It is an appropriate allusion.
Watching "Small Small Thing" is another reminder that so much of our fortune, of our humanity, is conditioned upon mere sets of haphazard circumstances, such as where and when you were born, who are your parents are , and who were your childhood friends. We believe in the idea of the self-made human, forgetting that so much of our makeup is completely beyond our control.
In a country ravaged by civil war, endemic poverty and malnutrition, life for most Liberians becomes a beastly struggle for survival.
Humanity burns on a stake.
Lofty notions like human rights, personal security, and gender equality morph into unattainable chimeras.
Yet, even here, where pain is a secret handshake, a shield that nearly everyone shares, Olivia Zinnah had a dream of being a doctor, of helping others in need. Her eyes brilliant with hope and sadness, her smile timid, but enchanting. She makes you want to believe that the impossible can turn probable.
There is hope to this story.
I close my eyes, and I see a woman standing on a tombstone - she was in the film as well - shrouded in the dark green of overgrown vegetation, singing a gospel song. Everything I'd come to know about her - her existential battle, her hunger and isolation, decision to end her pregnancy at the risk of losing her own life - it gains a higher meaning, a purpose, if you will. It serves to connect us through the invisible web of humanity. We're all more alike than we think. A small, small thing to consider.
Olivia Zinnah passed away on December 20th, 2012, from long-term systemic complications.
Find out more about "Small Small Thing" at: smallsmallthing.com.
From the Huffington Post: "A Big Task for a "Small Small Thing."
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