Before I get ahead of myself allow me to answer the why? question. Why travel abroad with young children? Why is it worth the added work? Being the product of a mixed marriage of ardent travelers, the answer for me is an obvious one. But for this exercise, I prefer to employ my 7-year-olds perspective. Having traveled to 13 countries on 3 continents, he revels at the idea of seeing and experiencing something new. In his own words he loves to travel to other countries, because he "gets to taste different things, play new games, learn new languages." I probe further, trying to see if there is a more depth there, and find out he thinks the exposure and experience will enable him to talk to different people, understand and help them, or be helped by them. Isn't this the essence of what we call peace and conflict resolution?
Sure, travel is expensive. But isn't it a worthwhile investment? Shouldn't we place priority on raising children with mental flexibility, capable of layered, multi-dimensional thinking, who are truly invested in this world; who don't perceive a path to success as a zero-sum game? We have become deeply aware of the fact that the Earth's prognosis is going to need generations of children, who are daringly capable of thinking outside the box, who know how to engage and develop unlikely prospects. Some people are born with this type of genius, but for most of us, it needs to be nurtured into being. International travel in the formative years of a child is a guaranteed way of accomplishing this.
An article in Today's Parent, titled "Kids behavior: 10 things to forgive them for (and why)," pointed to inflexibility, impatience, immaturity, lack of empathy, and meanness as behaviors we should expect our children to outgrow. It might be the case for many. For most, however, unless we prepare ourselves to take steps to challenge these behaviors peaceably, systematically, and for a big portion of the time - indirectly - they will become traits. It is similar to teaching your children to read, or to talking to them about drugs. None of the influence we hope to exert on our kids happens in the course of a few planned conversations. Whatever it is that becomes part and parcel of their constitution, they learn through a combination of organic repetitions and discoveries. Hence, the suggestion, if you want to raise kids with palpable resourcefulness, flexibility and open-mindedness, try pushing them, and yourselves, a little outside of your comfort zone.
On to the more practicable aspects of this conversation!
You don't need the financial and logistic resources of people like Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie to take your children along on international travel. As far as I am concerned, all we truly need is international travel documents, like up-to-date passports and (sometimes) corresponding visas, occasional vaccine shots, a healthy dose of open-mindedness and flexibility, some cash, and the rest are details that can be figured out as you go along. Still travel decision-making can be anxiety-ridden, but with the wealth of information at our fingertips, and some self-reminding to keep things in perspective, you can do it. Easy! Remember - you don't need to hear and experience the world all at once.
Knowing basics like grocery and pharmacy hours, will prepare you for the unexpected, but almost always, mandatory trip to buy essentials at a more affordable price. For instance, in many European cities you will not be able to find an open grocery store on Sundays. In cities like London, you will find that each day offers different closing hours, but as a rule don't plan to do any shopping past 6pm.
But what happens if your child gets sick? On a recent trip to Beijing one of our kids ended up with conjunctivitis, triggered by the heavy air pollution. We went to a local children's hospital, were speedily seen by a doctor, got a prescription and were back at our home base within a couple of hours. All at fraction of the cost for its U.S. equivalent. Alternatively, many big cities in the world have clinics and hospitals that cater directly to international visitors with multiple languages spoken by doctors and staff on site. Some of these would even accept your health insurance. Generally, you might have to pay upfront and then get reimbursed, just make sure get everything in writing from doctors, and if possible in English. We have found, however, that paying-out-pocket saves a big hassle, because health care is significantly cheaper outside of the U.S.
PLAN WELL, BUT BE FLEXIBLE
It may not be needed, but if you travel via plane with short layovers, pack with a view to at least some of your bags arriving at your destination much later than you. Include a lightweight version of whatever you might need, from diapers and creams, to a change of clothes in your carryon. In addition, don't be tempted to organize luggage exclusively according to the individuals traveling on this trip. Have mixed content ownership bags, because it happens occasionally that only some of your bags will be misplaced. If every person on your trip has their own bag, then you run the risk of not having what you need for one or two of you for some time. And we all know how this types of uneven situations get perceived as "unfair" by kids, and then in turn affect the group morale, and your ability to have a good time.
When my husband and I travelled to Paris, we made sure to pack enough diapers for our 18-month-old son to last him the entire trip. In addition, I'd packed twice as many diapers in my carryon luggage, than I thought I would need. Yet even this proved insufficient after the airline lost some of our bags for days due to a short layover in London. We'd arrived in Paris on an early Saturday morning and kept hopeful that our bags will turn up before we'd REALLY need them. We didn't even consider buying extra diapers at that point. By the time we'd returned to our hotel late at night, our bags had not been recovered. We'd missed the opportunity to purchase diapers. By the following Sunday afternoon, with stores closed and our last diaper in use, we resorted to using swim diapers, which were far less absorbent. That didn't stop us from having a blast walking the streets of the City of Lights, munching on crepes, enjoying local playgrounds, riding a donkey at the foot of the Eiffel tower. At dusk, we did end up hanging out in line for the Eiffel tower elevators with a leak and uncertain diaper prospects. We took it in stride, focused on the experience and skipped a beat only at the panoramic sight of Paris below us.
HAVE A LITTLE TRUST/TAKE CHANCES
On a trip to Italy for a friends' wedding we stayed at a family hotel in the town of LaScala, on the Amalfi Coast. The place was as picturesque as its people were hospitable. As soon as we ordered dinner, the family matron came over to gush at our boy and with expressive combination of gesticulations and Italian communicated that she was going to take our son, so that we could enjoy our dinner in peace. We laughed it off, but soon after our son finished eating, she was back smiling widely and telling us she was going to take him to play with her granddaughter. She disappeared with our son out of sight before we could say anything.
Whenever I retell this story, I see the faces of my American friends cringe in anxiety and bewilderment. This reaction is possibly a function of our eagerness to control every scenario and outcome, a rather unrealistic goal. If I consider the local culture and the specific setting in our situation (a small town, the family serviced our friends' wedding party), the event screams of normalcy. Our son got a rare opportunity to gain a glimpse of how an Italian family interacts and plays, without the intrusion of our analysis. Hence, the credo I travel by, have a little trust in people, even in foreign places, let them step in and be part of your experience. It will make for some great memories.
LEAVE ROOM FOR SPONTANEITY
For most of us, traveling great cross-oceanic distances is a seldom and treasured occurrence. As a result, we feel the need to plan everything to pretty minute details.
On a trip to Athens, Greece, we'd planned a number of tours over the course of a few days. By the end of the second day our children were visibly tired of this grown-up tourist regimen, so we decided to take a break from sightseeing and steer in direction of the nearest playground. Our kiddos made friends with an older child, who spoke a little English and took an interest in them. The kids were once again beaming, and batteries re-charged, ready to continue on our exploration of an ancient city. This has worked for us so well, that we have turned the hunt for local playgrounds, and meshing with locals children into a repeated ritual.
MANAGE YOUR EXPECTATIONS/EXPECT DIFFERENT
I have made some mistakes, mostly related to how much I think my kids can handle. On a trip to Munich, Germany, when my younger son was just short of 3 years of age, and older one 4 and a half, I made a decision not to take a stroller. In a normal situation at home, I'd stopped using them a couple of months prior, so I thought we'd be able to handle the trip without them.
Little did I know how this would drastically limit the scope of our expedition. It got to be more physically demanding after, having visited a toy store (I brought it on myself!) on our way to a park, we emerged carrying two bulky and heavy bags. Boys happy and a park filled with a myriad of beautiful ponds and birds, we made our way deep in, and got ... a little lost (shhh, don't tell anyone else, would never admit to it). Barring nap and still dealing with jetleg, the boys were slowing down the pace by the minute, and I knew I had to find our way to the train station ASAP. An hour and a half into it we stepped onto a subway train. With no seat available my little boy sat at my feet and fell fast asleep. The older leaned against me for as long as he could stand, finally submitting to the ground himself. Other passengers stared on. I strategized on how to pick up my boy off the ground. Without hurting him, mind you, while still leading the second and carrying our bags. The escalator at the station wasn't operational, so I climbed one step at a time in sheer fear of dropping a kid, or tumbling down the steps alongside the two of them. Luckily, a passerby on the left offered to help. He peeled my son diligently off my hands and I climbed the rest of the way with my remaining boy. My mind shrieked at the thought of this guy taking off with my kid into the distance, but I felt I no longer had a choice. So I quickened the pace, caught up, and we were soon back at our hotel.
Why bring this up? Had we been in Italy or China, someone would have relinquished their seat on the train, but probably wouldn't have offered to help me carry my child up the stairs. In Bulgaria more often than not, people would have helped with both. Had expected the difference, I would have had an easier and more reasonable time dealing with it. And my kid wouldn't have had to sleep slouched on the floor. But all is well. I am grateful for that stranger; notably humbled by the experience, and better prepared for other adventures at home and abroad.
We would love to hear of YOUR experience in terms of traveling with children abroad. Are there any particular concerns or fears that stop you from pursuing this venture? If you are an international traveler, how has it helped your children grow?
FURTHER READING
Take a look at one family's incredible journey on bikes across North and South America.
Can Taking A Child Abroad Be Fun? A recent CNN article, in which a mother suggests (among other things) that for a first trip abroad with your youngsters, you might want to pick a familiar place.
And for a parent's perspective on How to Develop Character in Your Children (And Yourself) Through Travel.
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